untitled...

so now that i've had a few hours to come to grips with the results, the concession, and the prospect of years of implications, i find myself no better able to articulate how i feel than when i first learned that ohio was going red. when i talk about it, i find myself using the world "fuck" a lot--a favorite word, no doubt, but less than distinguished. all i know is that this is not good.

watching kerry's concession speech this morning, i felt a mixture of grief, anger, fear and inspiration. network analysts presented the "irony" that a man who had been perceived as an emotional black hole could deliver with such profundity. is it? maybe some of us saw that all along. watching kerry's concession speech this morning, the tragedy struck me as two-fold: first, a country that elected a man who will never have my support can never define me; and yet secondly, i am ultimately part of the definition of america, and i can't be relieved of these implications.

"you look so tired unhappy, bring down the government; they don't, they don't speak for us."

the rhetoric of kerry's address was hopeful, but he was sad. it isn't easy to get to the "hope" part, but i think i'm going to have to, we all are. it's not quite about looking to the next election, but picking ourselves up off the floor of this election (the floors of the white house, the senate, the house of representitives, the governors' mansions, and the courts) and--hopefully--moving on. i can't speak from my heart to say that i am hopeful, but somehow, i think i am or will be. "wise men ne'er sit and wail their loss, but cheerily seek how to redress their harms. " i think shakespeare got some of it right, but whether we move on with cheer or out of fear, we have to go somewhere. and much as i'd like to dream, somewhere isn't going to be out of the country.

"The time will come, the election will come, when your work and your ballots will change the world. And it's worth fighting for." --john kerry

with nowhere to go but forward, i'm going to crawl out of last night's hibernation, and hopefully, hopefully, before us all a new ground can be laid. "being invisible and without substance, a disembodied voice, as it were, what else could i do?...who knows but that, on the lower frequencies, i speak for you?" this is ellison at his most poignant, this is me at my least. but one thing i know now, more than ever: concession can be recognition of defeat, but it doesn't have to be a relinquishment of ideals. i don't think we can give up a fight for social justice and global reconciliation because 51% of us want the other guy. for the future, i'll try to think of the of the 48% of us who don't and let that sustain me.

in the mean time, i'll probably use the word "fuck" a lot. but as the country is beaten black and blue with red and blue paint brushes, the worst we can do is stand down, the least we can do is stand up, and the most we can do is everything. i don't know where we'll be in 30 years, but history isn't made by looking back; it's made by looking forward. so i end this somewhat confused and certainly overspent entry with more hope than my own cynicism should allow for--as i am very upset.